Mercenary Madness!
by Agent HUNK
Summary: Resident Evil 4's Mercenary Mode is fun.  But don't you get tired to playing with the same 5 people over and over again?  What if you had some new, nonResident Evil characters to use? Would it be as fun?  That's what this story is here to figure out!


Okay, let me explain it for the people who don't know what Mercenaries is.

In Resident Evil 4, you can unlock Mercenary Mode. In this part of the game, you run around certain areas and kill bad guys on a time limit. Kills get you points, combos get you bonus points, and if you die you lose. Sounds simple, right? You can pick from 5 Resident Evil characters (try to guess which one my favorite is!) and play as them on 4 different levels. Scores are ranked from 1 to 5 stars. That's about it.

Okay, so for this story, we're going to be seeing how non-Resident Evil characters would fare in Mercenary Mode. They'll be given a time limit, and forced to kill as many bad guys as possible! Lets find out who today's player is, shall we?

AND TODAY'S CONTESTANT IS... DANTE FROM DEVIL MAY CRY!!!!!

* * *

Name: Dante 

Bio: A half-demon who hunts demons and monsters for a living. He's cocky, show-offy, and he loves pizza. He can survive more than a normal human can.

Appearance: White hair, lean build, red jacket, no shirt, fingerless gloves, brown pants, black boots.

Weapons: White pistol named Ivory, Black pistol named Ebony, Longsword named Rebellion.

Special Moves: Can Devil Trigger into a demonic form, which gives him super strength and speed.

* * *

Everybody understand the rules? Dante is going to run around, kill things, get points, and try not to die! And he'll be doing it in... 

THE CASTLE!!! Yes, folks, Dante will be fighting for his life in a castle filled to the brim with parasite infested monks and other monstrosities! Will he survive? Will he obtain an amazing score? DOES ANYBODY CARE?!

So without further delay, lets get to the random violence and dark humor!

* * *

"Where am I?" Dante looked around himself, trying to figure out what had happened. One minute he'd been sitting in his shop eating pizza, and now here he was standing in what appeared to be a storage room. All around him, the walls were made of grey stone, almost like some sort of castle. His eyes caught sight of a note pinned to one of the walls, and he quickly grabbed it to take a better look. 

_You have 3 minutes to kill as many Ganados as you can. _

"What's a Ganado, and why only 3 minutes?"

_Time extensions can be picked up as you go along, as well as extra ammo and weapons._

"Oh, well that's nice..."

_Try to kill enemies within 5 seconds of each other to build combos, which give you bonus points!_

"I'm good at combos..."

_A special reward awaits you if you attain a 5 star rating! _

"A reward? Like what? Oh well, whatever..."

_Oh, and try not to die!_

"Not a problem..."

_GO!!!_

Once finished with the note, Dante tossed it over his shoulder and ran out of the room. Sure enough, he found himself inside of what appeared to be a big castle. He seemed to be on the lowest part of the castle, as towers and walls seemed to stretch to the skies all around him. He noticed a set of stairs in front of him, so he decided to go further down (or in this case, up) the rabbit hole. Ascending the stairs, he suddenly found himself in a large open area. And he wasn't alone.

"VOY A MATAR!!!" several men screamed on either side of him. They were all pale faced men wearing creepy black robes. Some of them had flails (mace on a chain) and scythes, while a few of them were barehanded. The one closest to Dante had a flail and a wooden shield, which he held protectively in front of his face. It was capable of protecting him from most small-arms fire and melee weapons.

**_KER-BLA-BLA-BLAM!!!_**

But a simple wooden shield didn't stand a chance against Ebony and Ivory. Dante smirked as he fired off six shots, three from each gun, into the approaching madman. The shield splintered into slivers, and the man's bullet-riddled corpse was sent flying backwards. "YEAH!!! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!!!" Dante cheered as the man's body rolled to a stop. The other insane monks didn't seem to care, however, and they continued to advance towards Dante. "Wow, your comrade must have meant so much to you..." Dante chuckled.

"Urrrrrhhhh..." the bullet-riddled man suddenly moaned, slowly rising to his feet.

"Great. Nothing ever dies easy for me, does it?" Dante sighed as he blew the man's head off to make sure he was dead.

"HURGH!!!" one of monk's grunted as he dove at him with a mace. But Dante easily ducked beneath the weapon, causing the monk to lose his balance. Dante helped the man regain his balance by shoving Ivory into the man's mouth, pulling the trigger, and reducing his head to a smouldering crater.

"BOO-YAH!!!" Dante yelled as the man's corpse dropped to the ground. He then spun around, took aim at two approaching monks, and lit them up with a hail of gunfire. Their bodies dropped to the ground, and then started to melt away into a bubbling ooze. "Ugh. I've seen some nasty stuff before, but that-"

**_KACHLUNK!!!_**

Dante was interupted by a scythe blade stabbing through his chest. "Heh heh heh heh..." a monk chuckled from behind the skewered half-demon. But his laughter was silenced when Dante whirled around and pistol-whipped his face.

"Okay, that wasn't very nice..." Dante grunted as he pushed the blade through his chest and out his back. He then proceeded to unload several bullets into the stunned monk's body, not stopping until the corpse ceased twitching. "Okay, now how do I tell how much time I have left?"

Looking up, Dante noticed a large scoreboard hanging on a wall. It had a time of 1 and a half minutes left, 5 kills, a combo of 5, and 1500 points lit up in lights on it. "Oh, well that's helpful. I wonder how I add time?" Once again, his questions where answered when he noticed a glowing yellow hourglass on the ground. Picking it up, he saw the words "90 SECONDS" written on the side of it. It suddenly dissappeared, and he was shocked to see the time on the board shoot up to 3 minutes. "Cool!"

It was at this point that Dante noticed another group of angry monks running towards him. They all screamed in Spanish, which Dante hated because it made no sense to him, and were wielding the usual assortment of wierd weapons. "Whatever..." Dante muttered, holstering Ebony and Ivory and pulling out Rebellion. He rushed forward, and in the blink of an eye impaled three monks on the sword. He then kicked the first one, causing all three to go flying off. Spinning the sword in a circular motion above his head resulted in the decapitation of two nearby monks. But for some reason, one of them continued to walk towards him. "What the...?" Dante stared at the headless body.

Out of the stump of the man's neck suddenly crawled what appeared to be a centipede on crack. The size of a normal man's head, the creature was covered in slime and was flailing its clawed arms like nobody's business. If Dante had been the scholarly type, he would have watched it and studied it for future reference. But he wasn't, so he just whipped out his guns and obliterated the freaky little thing. He then blew away several more monks as they made their way towards him. One of them was wearing a full-faced helmet, so he just shot him in the eye. The resulting **_clang-clang-clang-clang_** inside the helmet was music to Dante's ears. He made his way to the end of the area, and was forced to choose between a door or a set of stairs. He took the stairs, since he was too lazy to open the door.

Reaching the top of the stairs, he found himself on a raised area overlooking the place he'd just been in. Before he could do much more exploring, an arrow whizzed past his face. "Where'd that come from?" the muttered, looking for the shooter. Across from him was a bridge over the area he'd started at, and atop it where two monks with crossbows. For some reason, they thought Dante couldn't reach them. To prove them wrong, he blew their faces off. He then turned his attention to the monks running up the stairs.

As a handfull of monks reached the top, Dante jumped atop one who was wearing a helmet. The stunned monk screamed in Spanish, which probably translated to "GET THIS FREAK OFF OF ME!!!!" or something of the sort. Dante quickly shot the surrounding monks before they could react, and then broke the monk's neck by clapping his feet against his head and spinning around. Jumping off the monk's falling corpse, Dante picked up an hourglass he'd forgotten to grab. But just as he was about to run back down the stairs, a new playmate ran up to join the fun.

The new arrival looked like a cross between an NFL star and Wolverine from X-Men. Wearing metal armor and a helmet, he had wierd glove-like thing over his hands that had 3 long metal claws built into them. The man let out a savage roar before charging at Dante, claws swinging. Dante, of course, dove out of the way and started shooting the guy. But all the bullets simply bounced off of his armor. Dante then drew his sword and tried to hack at the approaching monster, but the blade didn't even dent his armor. Before Dante could do anything else, he was suddenly impaled through the chest and pinned to a wall.

"Ugh..." Dante grunted, blood coursing from his chest and mouth. "Aw, you broke my combo... Oh no, whatever shall I do now?" he asked sarcastically. "Oh, I know!"

There was a sudden flash of red light, and the claw-man was hurled backwards. Dante now stood before him, dressed in snazzy red and black clothes and glowing with an eerie red glow. He also had what appeared to be a pair of small bat wings on his lower back, but it was hard to tell if they where part of the get-up or just natural. Unnatural. Whatever. "Oh yeah, Devil Trigger time!" Dante laughed, drawing Rebellion and rushing forward. With his speed and strength increased 10-fold, he easily impaled his sword through the chest of the stunned monster, killing it instantly. He ripped the blade from the man's chest and continued to run down the stairs, hacking several monks in half as he went.

With only 45 seconds left, 40 kills, and 49,000 points, Dante needed to hurry if he wanted to win. So, before his Devil Trigger wore off, he kicked the door down and ran up the newly revealed stairs, splinting a monk down the center with Rebellion as he went. He reached the top of the stairs just as his Devil Trigger wore off, and suddenly found himself surrounded by two shielded and 3 unsheilded monks. With only 37 seconds left, he knew he had to hurry. Drawing his guns, he jumped into the air. Spinning around quickly, he unleashed a storm of screaming metal lead on everything in the room. Everything was dead before he landed, so he then ran up the stairs to his right. Shooting up two monks on his way to the top, he soon found himself in another room surrounded by bad guys.

Dante noticed an hourglass in the middle of the room. He only had 24 seconds left, and there was no way he was finishing with only 53,000 points and a combo of 12. He grabbed the nearest monk and threw him to the ground. Hoping on his back, he kicked off on the ground with one of his feet, sending the man flying forward like a skateboard. As he flew forward on the screaming monk, Dante opened fire with on Ebony while he grabbed the hourglass with his free hand. "Yes, 30 seconds! Woohoo!" he yelled as he hopped off the man, who continued to slide straight into a stone wall, breaking his neck and cracking some of the bricks.

Dante now had 50 seconds to get another 8,000 points. "How am I gonna do that?" Dante grumbled as the monks slowly closed in on him. Once again, his question recieved an answer as he noticed a red box in the corner of the room. Opening it up, he found another glowing hourglass, as well as a note.

_You have 30 seconds during which each kill gets you bonus points. See how many kills and points you can get!_

"Sweet!" Dante exclaimed, returning his attention back to the monks. "30 seconds, huh? Well, better get started!" The room was now full of monks, so all Dante had to do was draw his sword and get stabby. Of course, the first guy he decapitated happened to be a centipede host, so Dante suddenly found himself trying to avoid having his face chewed off by a freaky bug thing. "Your wasting my 30 seconds, jerk!" Dante growled as he drew Ivory and blasted the parasitic creature. He then went back to hacking away at the monks, even after the 30 seconds had ended. Only 7 seconds remained on the scoreboard and 59,999 points, he needed to get one more kill to win. So he pulled out his pistols and headed for the door across the room from of him.

The next 7 seconds were probably the coolest of Dante's life. As he opened the door, he found himself face to face with a monk aiming a rocket-launcher at him. At the same time, a big claw dude came running up the stairs behind him, wearing even thicker and spikier armor than the one before him. Time seemed to go in slow motion as the monk pulled the trigger, the monster-man ran at him, and Dante dove backwards. Flying backwards through the air, Dante kicked the bazooka shell as it sailed towards him. The missile went off course, zoomed across the room, and struck the claw-man in the chest, blowing him apart and giving Dante 1,500 points.

He'd done it. He'd actaully done it. He'd gotten 60,000 points, a five star score, and survived.

The moment Dante hit the ground, a buzzer sounded. He suddenly found himself standing in a dark void. "Um... What's going on?"

"You've done it, Dante! You've won, and you got a 5 star rank to boot!" a loud voice echoed around him.

"Yeah, so where's my reward?" Dante grinned.

"Your reward? Uh... Right... Didn't really think you'd make it, but... yeah... um... Oh, I've got it! Your reward shall be a free pizza!" the voice replied.

"A free pizza? I did all that work, and all I get is a pizza?" Dante growled.

"A free _large_ pizza!" the loud voice replied merrily.

"Good enough..." Dante smiled. He suddenly found himself back at his desk in his office. Sitting in front of him was a large pizza box. Licking his lips, Dante opened it up, hoping to devour the pizza without any pause. But he did find himself pausing to read the note atop the pizza.

_Congratulations. You've scored a 5 star rank on the Castle level. Are you ready to play again?_

"Uh oh..."

* * *

Phew, I'm finally done. How was it? Did it suck? Was it good? Too gory? Not violent enough? Too much detail? Not enough description? GIVE ME INFO!!!

Oh yeah, characters who do good enough get to play again later on, IF the readers want them too. So yeah, let me know if you want to see Dante play again later on in the story.

Who's going to go next? Will it be James Bond from the 007 movies, or Ash Williams from the Evil Dead movies? VOTE ON IT!!!

Thanks for reading, folks. Now please review!

-Agent HUNK


End file.
